Rocking my Last Baby...

Last night Neely, my 8 month old, was unusually fussy when we tried to lay her down to sleep. She's had some trouble with ear infections recently and has been rubbing her ears for several days. She's also drooling and has a runny nose. I keep thinking maybe she has another infection but no fever so without that, I hate to take her to the pediatrician and get sent home with the "it's a cold, let it run it's course"speech. It could also be teething, hence the drool  - so not sure why she's messing with her ears. Typically, she doesn't want to be rocked to sleep, she just likes to be laid in her crib and she likes to roll around and put herself to sleep, with her paci and her lullaby of course. But last night she refused to go to sleep so after about 15 minutes of crying I went in and held my big baby girl and rocked and swayed with her. I was standing up because our glider has long ago been removed from the nursery to make room for play kitchens and other toys that belong to Olivia. (WE NEED A BIGGER HOUSE - thought I'd throw that in there). Neely was very still and quiet in my arms just staring at my face. She's so heavy now and it hurt my back but I was determined to rock her until she fell asleep. She was so sweet looking up at me with her big, round eyes. She put her chubby, clammy hands on my face and played with my lips. I kissed her little baby hands and short little fingers. Just when I thought she couldn't get much sweeter she took my chin and forcefully pushed it in the other direction and then giggled very quietly...yep, she's her Mother's child; only just so sweet! I was thinking while I was rocking her that she is my last baby that I'll get to rock to sleep. After Olivia was born, I knew I wasn't finished having children. I wanted one more. It took some convincing to get my husband on board...OK A LOT of convincing but if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy...so he gave in. I shouldn't say that because my first two made me the happiest that any Mother could be, BUT...a woman just has that feeling about having children I think, only she knows when she's done. After Neely was born, I finally had the feeling of completeness, wholeness, the feeling that I had the family I had always wanted. Instead of being somewhat envious of pregnant ladies...I felt bad for them! I felt sorry that they had to go through the trials and tribulations associated with pregnancy, birth, and the first few months of a child's life. Those first few months are rough! All worth it in the end of course, but very tough. I'm SO happy that I won't ever be pregnant again - this was the feeling I was looking for - the "DONE" feeling. So even though I was just a tiny bit sad that I was rocking my last baby to sleep last night, I was felt so fulfilled and happy. I am so lucky to have all that I have. She is my last baby but even when she's six or sixteen, she will STILL be my baby.